The popular parental answers to such questions—“Because I said so!” and “If your friend was going to jump off a bridge would you do it too?”—might end the discussion, but won’t help kids see your point of view. After all, “why can’t I?” is a valid question! Next time Junior wants to know why not, help shape his worldview by reacting this way instead:
• Explain that you make your rules based on the values that are important to your family, not the families of their peer group. Then, share the particular value the current request is addressing and state your reasons clearly. Note: When you are unsure about how to answer, it is okay to tell your child you need time to think about a decision!
• Acknowledge your child’s feelings. She may really feel like the only person in the world not doing something, and that’s not a great feeling. Although your child does have to live with your decision, she doesn’t have to be happy about it.
• Be okay with not being the most popular person in your kid’s life. • Remember that this is a learning experience—your son or daughter is discovering that he or she can face disappointment and survive. This is a critical life skill! Even though your child may be reacting negatively to your decision on the outside, he may feel relieved on the inside, because deep down he knows it’s for the best.
• Be willing to compromise. While you may not be able to give in to what your child is asking, there may be an alternative that the two of you can problem solve together.
