Spending Christmas Together

It was Christmas Eve. We waited until everyone arrived to bundle up and wander into the Colorado forest to find the perfect Christmas tree. This was one of the first gatherings of our blended family—children and grandchildren—since their other parent’s death and our marriage.

Our search party found the perfect pine and cut it three feet up from the ground. But when it fell, several large branches cracked off. The gang was cold and tired, so we stopped searching and dragged the damaged tree back home. A roar of laughter echoed up the hill as we walked, and again when the scraggly tree hit the stand—creating a new family memory.

Then we sipped hot chocolate and opened the ornament boxes. These were special ornaments from "his,” “her,” and “our" family. Many memories were tucked inside these little boxes. We decorated the sparse branches and shared family stories.

Have you noticed that our hearts turn toward home at Christmas? I think it’s because home is where the mystery of our identity begins. As I reflect on that first Christmas, it occurs to me that we all have a blended family in some way. Whether through blood, marriage, adoption, or invitation, each member of our family needs to know that he or she is an indispensable part of our shared identity. And the even greater beauty of Christmas is knowing that through Jesus Christ, God has created a giant, eternal blended family—one that gives us our ultimate identity as children of God!

Here are some meaningful ways to spend time with your blended family this Christmas:

Put people first

• Use your resources to bring your family together.

• Choose a time that works for everyone, even if it isn’t Christmas day.

• Give gifts that evoke and preserve memories.

• Focus on shared activities rather than tangible gifts.

• Create an enormous family tree that includes every person.


Involve everyone in holiday planning

• Incorporate traditions important to each person.

• Have everyone participate in pre-planning of activities and schedules. For example: assign cooking teams for each meal—mix up family members and ages.


Capitalize on table time

• Tell endearing stories about family members not present because of divorce or death.

• Ask everyone the same question. For example: What do you admire or like about the person sitting on your left?

• Play problem-solving games together.

• Give clues to guess a Bible character.


Integrate faith into activities

• Perform the Christmas story. Have everyone choose a part and a costume (use old clothes, sheets, scarves, and props). Read the Scriptures from Matthew and Luke. Incorporate musical instruments and carols into your production.

• Light candles at your Christmas Eve dinner and share where you've seen God in your life lately.

• Do a service project together. Surprise a family in need with gifts, a visit, or an invitation to join your family for Christmas.

• Make photo albums. One Christmas we made eighteen albums of old family pictures. We gave them to everyone in the next generation. It was a powerful reminder that they belong to our family, and God’s family too.


—by Arlene Arends Waldorf