What if One of My Kids Outshines the Other?

Unless tennis pros Serena and Venus Williams are your daughters, your kids will probably experience varying levels of success in whatever they pursue. The most important thing you can do as a parent is to avoid comparisons. Junior can’t play basketball like his brother because he’s not his brother. While it’s difficult to avoid comparing everything from your kid’s clothing sizes to their likes and dislikes, it’s important that you keep those thoughts to yourself and treat each child the one-of-a-kind person God created them to be.

Other things to keep in mind:

• Value your child. Let your love and affirmation show them they are valued for who they are, not what they do.

• Encourage each child to give 100% in all they do—and be sure they know that “their best” is good enough for you.

• Acknowledge accomplishments with sensitivity. Sometime, in our efforts to keep things ‘fair’ we diminish the successes of one child to avoid making the other child feel bad about not doing as well. As a result, your straight ‘A’ student may get a “good job” while you gush over the lower grade that your other child worked so hard to receive. Let both kids know you are proud of their effort—and that they can be proud of themselves too!

• Understand that your kids might not want to be equal achievers. Your social butterfly child might be perfectly content in her role as a supportive teammate on the bench in a basketball game while her sibling strives to make the starting five in the same sport.

• Provide opportunities for kids to try different things so kids can figure out what they’re good at. Tip: Community centers offer a wide variety of programs perfectly suited for kids who want to try something new.

• Be a cheerleader. Support your ‘underdog’ child by celebrating small successes and by helping him or her find something they love to do and they feel good about doing.

--Karen De Boer, author of Home Grown: A Handbook for Christian Parenting