Nurture Kids Faith

Faith Talk: Living as Disciples

2010-06-30T11:54:00.000-07:00

Use these devotional ideas with your kids to explore how God uses discipline to lovingly shape us into the disciples we are called to be!

Week 1: Discipleship takes discipline
Read Mark 3:13-19; Matthew 11:28-30
• Make a list or draw some of Jesus’ disciples. Include your name/picture—you’re a disciple too!
• Google yoke: if you are on one side of a yoke, who is pulling the other side?

Week 2: Disciples follow Jesus
Read Luke 9:23-24
• Have you ever walked in another person’s footprints, either in the snow or sand? Play follow the leader together this week!
• Jesus is our leader, but how do we follow him?
• Jesus loves us unselfishly—he even died on the cross for us! Pray that the Lord Jesus will show us how to love like he does.

Week 3: God disciplines with love
Read Hebrews 12:4-13
• Is God’s discipline punishment?
• Why does God discipline us?
• Check out this You-Tube video on horse training:

• What did you notice about how the adult horse and rider train the baby?
• Does it remind you at all of the way Jesus trains us to follow him? (What is the same; what is different?)

Week 4: Discipleship involves transformation!
Read Romans 12:1-8
• Look up the word transform in a dictionary.
• God likes to change us into something new and glorious! Put a picture of yourself on Facebook or the refrigerator, and put around it a border that says Changed.
• Adults, share with the kids how God’s love has changed you and your life. Older kids might like to share too.

Week 5: Disciples are fruity!
Read Galatians 5:22-26
• The Holy Spirit grows good “fruit” in our lives—talk about how you see the fruit of the Spirit in each others’ lives.
• Pray to thank God for the Spirit working in you! Ask God to help you grow in an area that still needs to blossom (patience, peace, etc.).
• One of the ways we grow is through serving. Think of a way to serve together this week!

Week 6: Disciples need prayer
Read Luke 11:1-13
• One of the best ways to follow Jesus’ lead is to pray, and then pray some more. At meals or bedtime this week, pray the Lord’s Prayer (Luke 11:2-4) and talk or think about what each petition means.
• Write a new prayer together and memorize it to pray as a family.

Week 7: Disciples need practice: Scripture reading and service
Read Luke 10:38-42
• Setting at Jesus’ feet is a sign of a disciple. Act out the story of Mary and Martha.
• Being a disciple means listening to Jesus. Read what Jesus said in Matthew 22:34-40.
• Listening leads to action: James 1:22-25.
• How will you practice what Jesus taught today?

Week 8: Disciples need rest too
Read Mark 1:35-39
• Where do you go when you want to rest or talk with God?
• Draw a picture of yourself on vacation or think of a perfect vacation spot you want to visit and then look it up on the Internet.
• Take a peaceful walk together at a nearby park or trail. Look for the beauty of God through the beauty of creation!

Beth Guikema-Bode, pastor at Fuller Avenue Church and mother of four great kids.

Faith Talk: Faith Milestones

2010-08-27T08:42:00.000-07:00

Use these ideas to pause weekly with your kids or grandkids to read Scripture, talk about faith, and pray together! You’ll consider people or situations in the Bible where God was present to bring faith and power. These are milestones of significance, calling, and challenge! Each reading offers several ideas; use them all or select ones that will work best for your family. You may be asked to talk about times in your life when you’ve seen God at work. Don’t be shy about sharing from your heart. Your stories help your kids see God’s presence and work in your family and in the world!

Week 1: Birthday Milestones
Read 1 Samuel 1:1-20, 24-28

There’s a reason God created you! Interview a parent or grandparent and ask them to tell you the story of your birth. Did they ask God for you to be their son or daughter (grandson or granddaughter), like Hannah did for Samuel?
Google your name and find out what it means.
See if everyone in your household can tell a story like Hannah’s, where God answered your prayers.

Week 2: The Baptism Milestone
Read Matthew 3:13-17

At baptism, the Holy Spirit gives us the gift of faith. What other presents has God given you? Make a list or color a picture of some of God’s presents to you and your family. (Hint: parents, pet, special abilities, etc.)
Do you think it helped Jesus to know that his Father, God, loved him? God says the same thing about you: “This is my child whom I love.” Sing together “Jesus Loves Me” or “In Christ Alone” or another favorite song about God’s love for you.
What date were you baptized? Get a special candle and work together with a sibling or parent to bake a cake to celebrate your baptism just like your birthday. Why? It’s the day you were born again and became part of God’s family!

Week 3: Responsibility Milestones
Read Jeremiah 1:1-10

Do you have special jobs or chores you do at home or at school? What are they? Who trusts you to do them?
It doesn’t matter if you’re 2, 10, 20, or 82—God gives you jobs and responsibilities as well as the power to do them. Talk to friends and family and create a list of special jobs and abilities God has given you, like being caring or having creative abilities.
God entrusts us with important things, but he wants us to trust him. Can you think of a story from the Bible where God was faithful by keeping his promise?
Work together to memorize this wonderful Bible promise from Psalm 103:11-13:

   For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
     so great is his love for those who fear him;
     as far as the east is from the west,
     so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
   As a father has compassion on his children,
     so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him.

Talk about what these words mean.

Week 4: Learning Milestones
Read Matthew 5: 1-12

Talk together about who is (or was) your favorite teacher and why.
Sometimes we catch glimpses of God in special events, like birthdays and baptisms. Sometimes we catch glimpses of God in the routine of school or church, where he teaches us about himself through creation or in the Bible. Jesus calls the Holy Spirit our teacher (John 14:26). Since the Holy Spirit is invisible, how can you tell when he’s teaching you?
Helen Keller was blind and deaf, but learned how to read when her teacher kept spelling W-A-T-E-R in her palm while water gushed over her hand. You can read about this at gardenofpraise.com/ibdkell.htm.
God also traces his words in our hearts over and over again when we read the Bible!

Week 5: The Lord’s Supper Milestone
Read Luke 24:13-32

There are some special moments in your relationship with God. The Lord’s Supper is one of them. Whether you are participating or watching a parent or grandparent eat and drink the bread and juice, Jesus Christ is there with you, filling you with his love.
Read some of the facts and quotes about bread on the Nature’s Own Bread website, or make some homemade bread to enjoy together.
Is there anything about bread that reminds you of God? Wonder together about why Jesus would call himself “Living Bread” and use bread as a symbol of his body for communion.

Week 6: Weakness Milestones
Read 1 Kings 19:1-13

Sometimes we discover God’s presence not at our high points in life, but in times when life is hard, sad, or frustrating. When did Elijah meet God?
Talk together about a time in each of your lives when you couldn’t do something, like ride a bike or be in a school play, and you felt as angry and frustrated as Elijah.
When you look back at that time, you might be surprised to find God supporting you through family or friends; God likes to show up when we don’t expect him to. How did God encourage you?
Next time your brother or sister or friend has a hard time, be a friend to them and know that God is working through you!

Week 7: Forgotten Milestones
Read Genesis 39:20b-40:1-15, 23

None of us like to be left out or forgotten by others, but God never leaves us even when others fail us. Read Joseph’s story, and act out the scene in that deep, dark prison.
Ask a parent or pastor or youth leader about a time they felt like they were unfairly treated, or left out by others. Where did they see God at work in that situation?
Draw a picture of Joseph’s prison, and then draw God right there too! Even though he was invisible he was with Joseph the whole time.
Try this: on Sunday, sit with one of the video or sound people working the soundboard at your church. Or, click here to read a slideshow about how Pixar makes their amazing animated films. What would happen if there was no soundboard at church? How many different things happen behind the scenes to make a movie like Toy Story 3?
God works behind the scenes too! How did Joseph know that God was there? How do you know that he’s there, even though you can’t see him?

Week 8: Death is a Milestone Too
Read Luke 7:11-17

What do you think it felt like when Jesus raised that boy from death to life?
Have you ever had a special friend or pet or grandparent die? Even though it’s really hard and sad, talk about what you remember.
Jesus didn’t like to see this mother so sad, and raised her son to life. Jesus promises to one day raise each of us who believe in him to new life, even if we have died. What do you think that will we be like? (Hint: What was Jesus like after his resurrection?)
One of the ways God is near to us when death is close is through friends and family. Next time you know someone is sad because of a loved one’s death, give that person a hug or tell them how sorry you are. It helps.
Pray every day this week that Jesus will come back again soon, so that death will be no more!

Faith by Osmosis

2010-08-28T12:15:00.000-07:00

Christian Smith, coauthor of Soul Searching, says that learning faith is a lot like learning a second language. You don’t learn a language best just by studying it; you learn it best by being around people who speak it. When you immerse yourself in a culture of that language you pick up much more by osmosis than you ever could by study alone. The same is true for faith. To grow in our faith we must see it, interact with it, play with the ideas, and be around people who are living it.

In our scrapbook is a photo of our son Bryan when he was two years old. He had a little plastic lawnmower, and one of the pictures shows him pushing his lawnmower right behind his dad, who is pushing a full-sized lawnmower. Bryan saw what it was like to take care of the yard and was trying it on for size. He wanted to do what his dad was doing.

The same type of modeling happens in more subtle but no less profound ways as children get older. They model their behavior after the people they see. When they see their parents, their aunts and uncles, their friends, the church elders and deacons, and their Sunday school teachers standing to sing together or to pray the Lord’s Prayer in unison, they learn what it means to be an adult who worships God.

Children and teens need to see adult people of faith who are deepening their relationship with God. They need to know how adults pray. They need to see them in times of sorrow and doubt, and in times of sadness and joy. We cannot expect children to grow into mature disciples unless they see how other followers of Christ live a life of faith.

Who are some of the faith models in your kid’s lives? When do they get to see adults express their faith in Jesus, or grapple with questions about God?

--An excerpt from Celebrating the Milestones of Faith by Laura Keeley and Robert J. Keeley, pgs. 9-10. © Faith Alive, 2010. Used with permission.

Remember When...

2010-08-30T09:00:00.000-07:00

Kids love looking at family photo albums and remembering fun times. But looking at pictures can also be a great way to remember God’s faithfulness and care for us in the big moments of life.

Sometime this month, browse through some old photo albums together. Look especially for pictures of milestones like a baptism, the first day of school, a profession of faith, or other big events in your family’s life. Recall the details of those days, and ask questions like these:

• How did you feel that day?

• How did God help you get ready for that event?

• Did you feel that God was with you that day? How?

• How has God used that event to show you that he loves you?

For a Christian family, trips down memory lane are more than nostalgia—they’re reminders that we have a God who cares about every milestone in our lives, big or small.

Daily Details, Special Celebrations

2010-08-31T10:00:00.000-07:00

On Sunday mornings when I was a girl, our family ate pastry for breakfast. Then, before heading to church, my brothers and I lined up for a pack of peppermints and a roll of salted licorice from our dad. While our Sunday morning rituals weren’t intended to prepare our hearts for worship, they were reminders that Sunday was special, and we connected them with going to church.

We’ve created traditions and rituals with our kids too: eating a “Beat the Winter Blues” dinner in our shorts in February, opening birthday gifts while being served breakfast in bed, taking a family photo in a pumpkin patch every Thanksgiving, and never leaving the house without saying “Bye, I love you!” These repeated events make memories and draw us closer together as a family.

Family traditions can also provide ways to help our kids connect with God and to remind ourselves of God’s faithfulness. Some—like adding Jesus to the nativity scene on Christmas Day, lighting a candle on baptism anniversaries, joining hands in prayer around the table on Easter—will be connected to faith milestones and Christian celebrations. Others, like praying before a meal, playing music that glorifies God as you prepare for church, or reading a Bible story at bedtime, flow naturally out of the simple patterns of everyday life.

The best way to create these special times is to look for ways to acknowledge God in both in the special celebrations and the daily details of your family’s life. Before you know it, you’ve begun a tradition—and your kids will be the first to complain if you try to change it!

What are some of the traditions in your household? What do they mean to your family?

--An excerpt from chapter 4 of the Home Grown Handbook for Christian Parenting by Karen De Boer. © Faith Alive, 2010. Used with permission.

Facing Changes

2010-08-28T11:46:00.000-07:00

Some kids breeze through big changes without a hitch. But if your child is a worrier, milestones like starting a new school can cause overwhelming anxiety. So how can you help? Here are some practical ideas.

ASK “What’s the worst that could happen”? It might sound silly, but speaking our worst fears out loud can help put them in perspective, like this:

Q: “What’s the worst that could happen if you can’t find your new classroom?”

A: “I’d be late, and everyone would look at me.”

Q: “What’s the worst that could happen if you were late?”

A: “People would think I was dumb.”

Q: “If someone else was late, would you think they were dumb?”

A: “Well, no . . . I guess not.”

PRAY about those specific fears together: “God, Abby is worried that she won’t be able to find her new classroom. Please help her to find it OK and send her people to give her directions. Help her not to be scared, and help her to remember that you are always with her wherever she goes.”

KNOW when to get professional help. If anxiety is making your child physically sick, unusually depressed, or self-destructive, find a trained Christian professional to talk with. Reassure your child that this does not mean he is “crazy”—it’s the same as seeing a medical doctor for a broken bone.

THANK God for answered prayer when your child gets through something that was causing her anxiety.

God in our Celebrations

2010-08-27T14:30:00.000-07:00

In our house there are things that usually happen with every birthday. Somehow birthdays don’t seem complete without them. We have cake with candles, we sing “Happy Birthday,” we give presents, and then my husband puts on the Beatles’ "Birthday" from their White Album and plays it really loud. Sometimes, especially when the kids were young, we’d jump around and dance. Traditions like these help us mark special times in our lives and bring us together.

Losing your first tooth, starting school, getting a driver’s license, and graduating are also times that we mark in different ways. Yet, we sometimes miss the opportunity to remember God in these celebrations. I am not suggesting that God isn’t there—of course he is. But when we aren’t explicit in pointing out that these times are an opportunity to reflect on God’s work in our lives we miss a chance for all of us to grow in our faith.

This year when our daughter Lynnae turned 19 we added something to the birthday celebration. Lynnae got out the candle that was presented to us at her baptism. She lit it and said a few words about how this candle reminds all of us how God has been and will continue to be present in her life.

As you begin another season of family celebrations, look for places and times where you can pause and say a few words to remind yourself and your family that each of these milestones is a gift from God and that God is faithful.

When have you been especially reminded of God’s presence and faithfulness?

--Laura Keeley is director of children’s ministries at 14th Street Christian Reformed Church in Holland, Michigan. She is also the mother of four children and coauthor with her husband Robert J. Keeley of the book Celebrating the Milestones of Faith.

Saying Goodbye to Summer

2010-08-25T07:59:00.000-07:00

Who wants a rigorous routine of early bedtimes and homework assignments after three months of campouts and beach trips? Your kids may need a few gentle nudges to get back into the school spirit! Here are some tips that may help:

• Together, take stock of last year’s school supplies and decide what to keep and what needs replacing. When you go shopping, let the kids choose which color folders and notebooks they want.

• Go through clothes that are too small and come up with a list of new items your kids need. Shop several weeks before school starts to avoid large crowds and long lines in stores.

• Start a “Back to School” bedtime and wake-up schedule to get them used to waking up earlier.

• During devotions or bedtime prayer, talk about the anxieties your kids may have about returning to school, and pray with them about their worries.

• Have a “Back to School” bash with your family. Plan a special party or family activity to celebrate the end of a great summer and the beginning of a wonderful school year!

Resources for Celebrating God’s Faithfulness

2010-08-27T08:23:00.000-07:00

For Everything a Season: 75 Blessings for Daily Life, by the Nilsen Family.

This book highlights personal milestones through the use of simple rituals. It contains blessings for birthdays, the new school year, adolescent body changes, getting a driver’s license, graduation, a new home, death of a pet, and much more. Each ritual has a welcome, prayer, time for reflection, suggested ritual action (e.g. lighting a candle, passing a blessing cup), and a closing blessing. (Zion Publishing—available at Vibrant Faith, see below)

Making a Home for Faith: Nurturing the Spiritual Life of Your Children, by Elizabeth Caldwell.

Though this book has a primary focus on families with young children, Caldwell includes practical ritual and milestone ideas that continue to be important even with adolescents—and beyond. (Pilgrim Press)

Vibrant Faith Ministries (formerly The Youth and Family Institute).

Among the many helpful articles and resources on this website, families will also find the signature milestone blessing bowl and mat, FaithTalk cards, and more.

Celebrating the Milestones of Faith: A Guide for Churches, by Laura Keeley and Robert J. Keeley.

While emphasizing a milestones ministry for the congregation, this book also contains some helpful ideas for the home. (Faith Alive Christian Resources)

—Compiled by Jane Schuyler, RCA Congregational Support Specialist, jschuyler@rca.org; (800) 968-6065.

Developmental Insights

2010-06-30T12:45:00.000-07:00

When childrearing challenges arise, it’s helpful to know what to expect from kids at various ages. Consider these insights from the National Network of Child Care:

Infants
Infants generally don’t pose much of a discipline problem, but they can be a challenge because they are so dependent upon adults for their basic needs. The most troublesome behavior for parents is usually crying. Infants cry because they are wet, hungry, cold, or lonely. Crying is their only way of letting adults know that they need something. Sometimes infants have colic. They seem to cry for no apparent reason. Studies show that infants who have their needs met quickly, and who are held and comforted when they cry, develop a strong sense of security and well being and actually may cry much less later on.

Toddlers
Like babies, toddlers like to be held, talked to, and comforted. And they still express themselves a great deal by crying, shrieking, jabbering, grunting, and pointing. The few words they can say may mean many things. “Cup!” may mean “Hand me my cup!” or “I want more milk,” or “The cup just fell off the table,” or “The dog just stole my cup!” This limited communication makes it very hard to understand a toddler’s needs.

Toddler behavior can frustrate adults. They reach out and grab things (like eyeglasses). They are rather clumsy and awkward with gestures. A well-meant pat can feel like a whack. A spoonful of peas may wind up more on the floor than in the mouth.

Toddlers are also very possessive. “No” and “Mine” are favorite words, and they are quite willing to hit or bite to get (or keep) a favorite toy. In fact, toddlers may spend as much time carrying around and protecting toys as they do playing with them.

Toddlers are always “on the go” and often play until they “run out of gas.” They have very little skill at pacing themselves and can be happy one minute and cranky the next. Much of this behavior depends on the new skills that they are developing. Sometimes they will scream for a cookie that can’t be reached, but at other times they may lead (or drag) you to the jar and point. Learning how to do things in a socially acceptable way is a big step for a toddler.

Preschoolers
Preschoolers are learning about the world around them. They ask lots of questions, and they love to imitate adults. They are learning to share and take turns (but don’t always want to). Sometimes they want to play with others, and sometimes they want to be alone. Preschoolers are also quite independent. They like to try new things and often take risks. They also may try to shock you by using forbidden words. Getting attention is fun; being ignored is not.

Preschoolers like to make decisions for themselves. Making decisions helps them feel important. Preschoolers get a little carried away and become rather bossy too. Preschoolers have lots of energy—sometimes more energy than adults! They play hard, fast, and furious. Sometimes they get tired rather suddenly and become cranky and irritable.

Preschoolers spend a lot of time learning how to get along with others. “Best friends” are very important, but such friendships are brief and may last only a few minutes. Hurt feelings (and sometimes swift kicks from friends) are part of the learning process.

School-agers
Although school-age children seem so grown up, their social skills are not yet well developed. It is not uncommon for school-agers to argue and fight a great deal with friends. School-agers need considerable help learning social skills like how to make friends, trust others, work in a team, and resolve conflicts. Children also need to be taught how to use good manners, ask for help, and negotiate with others.

School-agers enjoy being “older” but may not like the responsibility that goes with getting older. Often they have to be reminded to carry out homework responsibilities or household chores. Learning self-discipline is an ongoing process that improves each year.

School-agers often set standards for themselves that are frustratingly high or unsatisfyingly low. Children this age have not had much experience in setting and achieving goals or in measuring their own strengths and weaknesses. They need parents and teachers to provide experiences that are challenging yet achievable.

Reprinted with permission from the National Network for Child Care - NNCC. Oesterreich, L. (1995). Guidance and discipline. In L. Oesterreich, B. Holt, & S. Karas, Iowa family child care handbook [Pm 1541] (pp. 227-234). Ames, IA: Iowa State University Extension. References to "caregivers" in this article have been changed to identify parents and other relatives for the Nurture Blog context. To read the original article in full please visit this webpage on the NNCC website.

Consequences

2010-06-30T12:38:00.000-07:00

Natural and logical consequences are effective in helping children see the connection between their actions and the results of their behavior. Natural consequences include the results of a child’s actions without any adult interference. For example, the natural consequence of refusing to eat is hunger. The natural consequence of dropping your cookie in the bathtub is that it will get all soggy.

Natural consequences are sometimes dangerous or impractical. For example, it would be dangerous for a child to experience the natural consequence of running into the street because she might get hit by a car!

When natural consequences are unsafe for, you can use logical consequences to help your child correct her behavior. Logical consequences require adult intervention. A logical consequence for a four-year-old running into the street could be losing the privilege of playing outside. The parent might comment, “Looks like you need to play inside. When you can stay out of the street, then you can play outdoors.”

The following examples also illustrate the use of logical consequences:

• Three-year-old Alex says “Yuck!” and hurls his muffin across the kitchen. Alex’s dad picks up the muffin calmly and puts it in the trash. Alex goes without a snack.

• Four-year-old Cara loves to play with puzzles but refuses to help clean up. Her mother decides to give the puzzles a “vacation” and puts them in the storage closet for a day. She comments, “Cara, when you can show me that you are willing to help clean up, I’ll bring the puzzles back out for play.”

• Five-year-old Dena and four-year-old Peter are fighting. Their daycare provider says, “Looks like you two are having trouble getting along. Find something that you can play with together, or you will have to play alone in separate rooms.”

Choosing Words Wisely
Use your words carefully when you redirect children. Focus on what to do rather than what not to do.

TRY SAYING: “Slow down and walk”

INSTEAD OF: “Stop running”

TRY SAYING: “Come hold my hand”

INSTEAD OF: “Don’t touch anything”

TRY SAYING: “Keep your feet on the floor”

INSTEAD OF: “Don’t climb on the couch”

TRY SAYING: “Use your quiet voice inside”
INSTEAD OF: “Stop screaming and shouting”

Disciplining children is not easy. Just remember, all kids misbehave or argue some of the time. You can respond quickly when your kids need guidance if you understand the reasons for their behavior and know your options.

Reprinted with permission from the National Network for Child Care - NNCC. Oesterreich, L. (1995). Guidance and discipline. In L. Oesterreich, B. Holt, & S. Karas, Iowa family child care handbook [Pm 1541] (pp. 227-234). Ames, IA: Iowa State University Extension. References to "caregivers" in this article have been changed to identify parents and other relatives for the Nurture Blog context. To read the original article in full visit this webpage on the NNCC website.

“Everyone Else is Doing it, Why Can’t I?”

2010-06-30T12:29:00.000-07:00

Whether your child is yearning for a new toy, pleading to go to a party, or wanting to wear something inappropriate; the “why can’t I?” question—often preceded with “everyone else is”—is sure to come up.

The popular parental answers to such questions—“Because I said so!” and “If your friend was going to jump off a bridge would you do it too?”—might end the discussion, but won’t help kids see your point of view. After all, “why can’t I?” is a valid question! Next time Junior wants to know why not, help shape his worldview by reacting this way instead:

• Explain that you make your rules based on the values that are important to your family, not the families of their peer group. Then, share the particular value the current request is addressing and state your reasons clearly. Note: When you are unsure about how to answer, it is okay to tell your child you need time to think about a decision!

• Acknowledge your child’s feelings. She may really feel like the only person in the world not doing something, and that’s not a great feeling. Although your child does have to live with your decision, she doesn’t have to be happy about it.

• Be okay with not being the most popular person in your kid’s life.

• Remember that this is a learning experience—your son or daughter is discovering that he or she can face disappointment and survive. This is a critical life skill! Even though your child may be reacting negatively to your decision on the outside, he may feel relieved on the inside, because deep down he knows it’s for the best.

• Be willing to compromise. While you may not be able to give in to what your child is asking, there may be an alternative that the two of you can problem solve together.

Discipline

2010-06-30T13:26:00.000-07:00

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise—“so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

—Ephesians 6:1-4 (TNIV)

Paul makes it all sound so simple with his directive to parents, “Don’t exasperate your children,” and to children, “Do what your parents tell you.” Clearly, Paul never sat at a soccer field with a six-year-old who begged to be signed up for soccer but now refuses to play! Or experienced the stubbornness of a two-year-old determined NOT to climb into the car seat!

Paul’s God-inspired guidelines are great in theory (after all, if parents always took time to gently lead their kids in God’s way and if kids honored their parents with obedience, family life would run much more smoothly) but difficult to observe in practice. Our kids mess up and so do we. That’s what makes parenting (and being a kid!) so challenging. Like our children, we are works in progress. Boundaries will be pushed; expectations will be challenged.

We have much to learn from the role model we and Paul share—the God of grace. As parents, we need to extend grace to our kids when they mess up. There are also times when we need to apologize for our less-than-perfect parenting techniques and ask our kids to extend some grace our way. While Paul may not have experienced the challenges of modern parenting, his writings from Scripture can teach us much about living grace-fully.

—An excerpt from Home Grown Handbook for Christian Parenting, by Karen DeBoer, from chapter 3: Setting Boundaries, Showing Grace.

From the Helpline: Resources for Families

2010-06-29T11:11:00.000-07:00

Home Grown: Essentials for Christian Parenting, by Patricia L. Nederveld. Faith Alive Christian Resources.
This 7-session course challenges parents to make their homes Christ-centered places where faith grows naturally and freely. A humorous handbook, Home Grown Handbook for Christian Parenting: 111 Real-Life Questions and Answers, by Karen DeBoer, provides a topical quick reference. It can be used independently and/or with the parenting course. An optional video (available online) includes advice from experts and stories from parents.

Child Discipline: Guidelines for Parents, by J. Gary May. Channing Bete Company (available through Faith Alive Christian Resources).

This brief, practical booklet helps parents distinguish between discipline habits that harm and those that help. It guides readers to a better awareness of the purposes and probable results of these different approaches to child rearing. It provides discipline techniques that teach children to use their own resources as they grow to be honest, responsible adults. Available in English and Spanish.

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. Harper (or see www.fabermazlish.com).

Put an end to yelling and nagging with this “how-to” book. Faber and Mazlish provide parent exercises so that parents can improve their communication skills along with opportunities to practice. Filled with hundreds of examples of helpful dialogues, parents learn to adapt this new language to their own personal style.

What If We Don't Agree?

2010-06-30T12:00:00.000-07:00

Healthy families work best when the adults (whether married or divorced, co-parents, stepparents, relatives, or caregivers) are able to make rules together and stick with them. Parents who work as a team can provide healthy, consistent leadership for their kids.
Here are some ideas to help you stick together when it comes to boundaries and expectations:

1) Make rules you all believe in, and support your joint decisions. Sticking together means working out your differences well enough to agree on a common plan to present to your kids. Children become confused and may “take sides” when they have two or more “bosses” giving them different rules.

2) Negotiate your differences. Negotiating isn’t easy. Each parent must to be willing and able to communicate directly with the other about how they feel, what they want, and why. This involves listening to each other and being open to compromise.

3) Be clear about who is responsible to parent each child (and who isn’t). Most two-parent households have an overall agreement that they share responsibility for parenting their kids. Sometimes other people help with caring for the children. These might be divorced co-parents, stepparents, grandparents, or other unrelated adults living in the home. No matter who is in the family, it is important to be clear about the role and responsibility of each adult. Kids and teens deserve to know who their “bosses” are.

4) Single parents: talk over your decisions with an adult you trust. Parenting is too hard to do alone. All parents, especially single parents, must give themselves time apart from their kids to think out ideas and get support from a co-parent, a good friend, a family member, a pastor, or a counselor.

It’s normal for children to resist and test your rules. But if you work together as parents and support each other, you’ll have the best chance to avoid power struggles, fights, and bad feelings.

Sara Mast, LMSW is an instructor/trainer for the Family Wellness courses offered through Pine Rest Christian Mental Health Services, where she provides outpatient therapy and manages the Caring Communities program.

Know Your Smarts!

2010-04-19T12:55:00.000-07:00

How do you learn best? The answer could be different for every member of your family! Thanks to Howard Gardener’s theory of multiple intelligences, we know that people are smart in many different ways. A one-size-fits-all approach to intelligence just doesn’t work. Some people are captivated by art, some by numbers, or nature, or words. Meanwhile other people learn best by reflecting, moving, talking together, or singing a song. God designed us with this wonderful variety!

Use the quizzes below to figure out the smarts of everyone in your family. Make a game of it by guessing each other’s results before each person shares. Knowing which learning styles make your kids light up will allow you to encourage them as they study for school and as they grow in faith. Try incorporating activities that reflect their smarts into homework assignments and family worship times.

For early elementary age kids, read the eight activities listed below and ask kids to choose the three that they like the best. If you print the list for kids, they can circle their favorite choices. Then have them name (or cross out) their least favorite activity.

1. Reading books and listening to stories

2. Doing puzzles

3. Painting, drawing, coloring

4. Running, riding a bike, pretending

5. Singing and playing music

6. Playing with friends

7. Writing in a journal or diary

8. Being outside

Make a copy of the list below for each of the older children, teens, and adults in your family. Everyone should read through the activities once, then go back and give each activity a number, starting with 1 for your favorite thing to do, 2 for your second-favorite . . . all the way down to 8 for something you would not enjoy doing.

1. _______ Reading, writing, spending time on e-mail, telling and
                   listening to stories and jokes
2. _______ Solving puzzles and number problems, creating computer
                   programs, creating charts
3. _______ Drawing, painting or doing art projects, taking pictures,
                   watching movies or TV
4. _______ Acting things out, participating in sports, running
5. _______ Singing, writing songs, playing an instrument,
                   listening to music
6. _______ Working on group project or game, participating
                   in discussions
7. _______ Writing in a journal, thinking about things
8. _______ Nature experiments, taking care of pets, hiking in the
                   woods, camping in a wilderness area

When each quiz is complete, compare them with the learning style descriptions below and talk about the results. You should have a pretty good idea of how each member of your family loves to learn!

1) Word smart people learn best through verbal activities (listening, reading, or speaking), including discussions, worksheets, writing, reading, storytelling, and word games.

2) Number smart people learn best by exploring patterns and relationships through activities such as problem solving, analysis and comparison, logical puzzles or games, making charts and graphs, or putting things in sequence.

3) Picture smart people learn best by visualizing concepts. These kids enjoy viewing maps, slides, pictures, videos, and diagrams; making jigsaw puzzles; and expressing their ideas with shape, color, and design.

4) Body smart people learn best by using their bodies, acting things out, using puppets, moving—anything hands-on.

5) Music smart people learn best through sound, music, and rhythm—playing musical instruments, writing their own songs and raps, listening to recordings, singing, and so on.

6) People smart people learn best through doing things with others, cooperating and working in small or large groups, role playing, conversations, brainstorming, and other interactive exercises.

7) Self smart people learn best by working independently through such things as writing in a journal, meditating, reading, and reflecting.

8) Earth smart people learn best through activities connected to living things and natural phenomena, through nature walks, examining plants and animals, nature experiments, and activities that focus on ecology.

—The ideas on this chart are based on material from the following resources: Multiple Intelligences in the Classroom by Thomas Armstrong, © 2000, and a chart prepared by Donald L. Griggs, Livermore, California.

Beyond Candles and Cake

2010-04-19T13:37:00.000-07:00

Do your kids know you think they’re great? Sure. Do they still want and need to hear it? Absolutely! Kids, like all of us, need regular, meaningful affirmation. They need to know deep down that they’re becoming the people God made them to be.

One of the best times to affirm your kids is on their birthday. Since they’re already in the spotlight, use their special day to mark the milestones in their lives. Throughout the year, keep a running list of all the important things that happen to your child between birthdays.

• “firsts”—first lost tooth, first communion, first day of
middle school

• big moments—major decisions made, major fears
conquered, major projects completed
• acts of kindness—catch your child being Jesus’ hands and feet
• growth—take note of all the ways (physical, mental,
emotional, social, and spiritual) that your child has grown

On the big day, after the cake and the presents are done, take out your list and spend some family time together affirming your child and sharing memories from the past year. It’s a tradition your kids will never forget.

Gifted To Serve

2010-04-19T12:18:00.000-07:00

Two years ago Keystone Community Church in Ada, Michigan, encouraged a 6th grader to assist the tech team. These days he rides his bike to church on Saturdays to program all the lighting and sound for the Sunday morning service!

Your kids are called to serve Christ too! Your church can help them discover their gifts and develop a passion for ministry. Think creatively about the roles they could have in your congregation; look for opportunities that fit their personality and interests. Talk to volunteer coordinators about pairing kids with adults that serve as greeters, readers, deacons, or on teams like the prayer team, drama crew, or praise team. As they shadow their ministry mentors they’ll learn a little more about the sacrifice and joy involved in serving.

Even the youngest members have a role to play in the serving, worshiping community. At Willoughby Church in Langley, British Columbia, the children’s pastor created a slideshow of children’s art depicting the story of Jesus’ resurrection. The art was displayed on Easter morning to accompany the Scripture reading during the worship service.

Questions Kids Ask: What's Wrong With Me?

2010-04-19T13:26:00.000-07:00

Its painful knowing your child feels lonely or left out. Although you can’t pull a friend out of the medicine cupboard to make things better, there are ways you can help:

• Reassure your child that that they are worth loving—after all,
they were created by God and made in God’s image!

• Observe your child’s personality and look for ways you can
   help hone social skills. Talk about ways to make friends and the
   importance of listening, sharing, smiling, cooperating, and
   encouraging others.

• Connect with your child’s teacher for their observations
   and ideas. Is there a child that the teacher could pair up with
   your child?

• Support a shy child by setting up a play date at your home
   or in an active setting where there is less pressure to
   communicate—visiting a playground, going on a bike ride,
   or making a trip to the bowling alley.

• Look for clubs, teams, volunteer opportunities, or
   after school programs that your child could join—he’ll
   feel great about learning a new skill and will be able to
   rub shoulders with kids who have similar interests.

• Pray together and remind your child that Jesus is a
   friend she can go to anytime.

Blessings

2010-04-19T13:54:00.000-07:00

Have you ever sensed that you were part of a holy moment, that you were standing on holy ground? For Moses it came during a routine day on the job, when the monotony was broken by a bush engulfed in flames that didn’t burn. For me it came on a quiet night when I witnessed a bedtime routine between a mother and her children.

I babysat enough to know the typical routine many Christians have of praying, reading a Bible story, and sometimes singing a song before the final tuck in and lights out. But this mother did something different; she blessed each one of her children, touching their face and then their forehead as she recited a version of Numbers 6:24-26, “The Lord bless you and keep you…”

It was an honor to witness such a holy moment. And it made me think differently about blessing. After all, this woman wasn’t ordained, and yet she had blessed her children. Was she allowed to do that? The answer seemed clear—Scripture is full of examples of these kinds of blessings. Every parent should be able to bless their children (or anyone else) and be encouraged to do so! That night I decided that if I ever had a child, I would share a blessing too.

A blessing is the most precious gift that we can give. When we bless our children, at least two very important things happen. First, we remind our kids of God’s presence. Our blessing assures them that God is with us and cares about the ordinary tasks of our days; even the unpleasant routines like going to bed. God doesn’t just live at church—God is with us all the time, even watching over us as we sleep.

Second, we remind our kids who they are. They are God’s children! They are loved by God and are called to be his people too. Their baptismal identity isn’t just for church; it is for every day of their lives! They are God’s children when they lay down to sleep at night and when they wake up and stretch in the morning.

These days I sing Michael Card’s “Barocha” to my daughter, and then touch her forehead as I speak a blessing. I end by signing the cross—a symbol that’s meaningful because it is a reminder of baptism and a link to Ash Wednesday. The last thing I do is tell her that I love her and God loves her.

I used to do this every night, but then she started acting silly and it became an unholy game! So now we do it on occasion; sometimes I initiate the blessing, often she asks for it. For me, it’s a comforting reminder that my daughter belongs to God and he holds her close. I believe it brings her comfort too.

I am eager to learn of other ways and times to bless her. As she gets older I pray that this ritual will deepen in meaning for her, that she’ll see the connection between the blessing we say at home and the blessing pronounced at church—at her baptism, on Ash Wednesday, and at the end of every worship service. Faith formation takes time; it takes traditions like these that grow in meaning as we grow. It takes small holy moments from which to build.

Joyce Borger is editor of Reformed Worship and worship and music editor for Faith Alive Christian Resources.

Faith Talk: Fearfully and Wonderfully Made!

2010-04-19T12:07:00.000-07:00

Devotional ideas for busy households

Week 1: “You are my child!”
Readings: Mark 1:9-11; Romans 6:1-7
• At our baptism, God claims us as his own child, just like Jesus! Say out loud, “I am God’s child.”
• Take time this week to remember each person’s baptism. Share pictures, stories, and memories (or read Signs, Seals, and Celebrations from Nurture March/April 2009 for more ideas).
• What does your baptism mean to you now?

Week 2: “You are my wonderful child!”
Reading: Psalm 139:13-18
• God formed every part of you! Imagine and talk about what God might have been thinking as he made you.
• God made you unique! In what ways are you similar to other people in your family? In what ways are you different? Why do you think God made people with so many differences instead of making us all the same?
• Take turns sharing what you think is wonderful about each person in your family.

Week 3: Naturally gifted
Reading: Mark 10:17-27
• Jesus loved the rich young ruler. What do you think he loved about him? What was this young man good at?
• What are you good at? Things you are good at are called talents. Take turns letting everyone answer that question for each family member.

Week 4: After God’s own heart
Readings: 1 Samuel 13:11-14; Esther 4:1-14
• God has also given us the gift of our will to make good choices. What are some of David’s and Esther’s good choices?
• Today, what can you choose to do or say that makes God smile?

Week 5: Supernaturally gifted
Readings: John 3:1-8; 1 Corinthians 12:4-11
• God has given you special gifts! In your baptism, God promised his Spirit to be at work in your life, so that those gifts would serve him and his people, the church.
• Your gifts make you helpful to others. Try helping someone today—listen to their story, encourage them with a compliment, paint them a picture, or do what you think would help them feel loved. How does it make you feel to share God’s love with others?
• Take a spiritual gift inventory (online at the ECLA website or using Faith Alive’s spiritual gifts resources).

Week 6: Surprising Gifts
Reading: Acts 9:32-35
• Because spiritual gifts come from the Holy Spirit, they can surprise us with special powers or abilities, like Peter healing Aeneas. Name some things that are usually impossible for people. Is anything impossible with God?
• God gives us gifts to make his kingdom come—that means that we get to help make life here on earth a little more like heaven, where God is always obeyed and adored.
• How can you help make God’s kingdom come?
• Draw a picture of King Jesus and his kingdom.

Week 7: Gifted for a Reason
Readings: Luke 10:25-37; Romans 12:9-21
• Each day, God has something for you to do: share your talents and gifts. Try to be a friend to everyone you meet. Who is your best friend? How does Jesus show us he’s our best friend?

Week 8: Giving the gift of prayer
Readings: Jeremiah 29:4-14; Luke 11:1-12
• Pray for the city you live in and for your neighbors. Google your city, and find out how many people live in your city. Then search for challenges, and add those items to your prayer list.
• Draw a picture of your city, with you praying and God answering. What does it look like?

Beth Guikema-Bode is the pastor at Fuller Avenue Church and mother of four great kids.

From the Helpline: Resources for Families

2010-04-19T11:44:00.000-07:00

Spiritual Gift Inventories for Children, Youth, and Adults. A variety of inventories are available online at the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America website. For children, see “Early Signs of God’s Design” on the LCA website, www.elca.org (for youth, search for “Dancing with Your Gifts”).

Sometimes Smart Is Good (A Veces Es Bueno Ser Listo), by Dena Fox Luchsinger. Eerdmans, 2007. This English-Spanish bilingual book underscores the values of love, patience, and kindness, teaching kids ages 3-7 that all people—regardless of their abilities—are valuable as children of God.

Clifton Youth StrengthsExplorer. Gallup Press, 2007. From the Gallup Organization, this instrument was created to help youth, ages 10-14, discover and develop the unique talents within them. The package includes a youth workbook, parent guide, and one online youth strengths assessment access code. See also Your Child’s Strengths: A Guide for Parents and Teachers, by Jenifer Fox (Penguin, 2009).

—Compiled by Jane Schuyler, RCA Congregational Support Specialist

Faith Talk: Belonging to God's Family

2010-03-03T17:07:00.000-08:00

Week 1: Belonging Means Made with Quality

Read Genesis 1:26-31 and Psalm 139:13-14

• Why do you think God made all humans like himself?

• Look in the mirror and name some of the family traits you share with God. (Hint: Jesus Christ is God’s spitting image, so he shows us what God is like.)

• Say this short prayer at mealtimes, bedtime, drive time, and any other time you think of it: “I belong to you, God.”

Week 2: Belonging Means Blessing

Read Genesis 12:1-5

• Talk about ways your family might cast a shadow of blessing or harm.

• Where do you see God’s family (the church) working for the good of all the people of the world?

• Pick a neighbor, friend, or stranger and bless them by helping with their yard or sitting with them at lunch.

Week 3: Belonging Means Forever Loved
Read Genesis 28:10-22
• Have you ever felt/acted like Jacob who was running away for lying and cheating?
• Can we ever run beyond God’s love? How do we know?
• Who do you need to see or call and tell them God still loves them?
• Put a special stone in your pocket or purse to remind you: God is with you.
• Program a cell phone banner from God, “I am with you.”

Week 4: Belonging to a Big Family
Read Ruth 1:1-17 and Ephesians 3:14-21
• How big is God’s family?
• How many different nationalities belong to God’s family?
• God chooses us to be part of his family, but we choose him too. Are you willing to go anywhere or do anything for God?
• Go online and find a church on each continent.

Week 5: Belonging to a Crazy Family
Read Matthew 1
• Do you think all of Jesus’ parents and grandparents were nice and good people?
• Did you notice that Jacob is Jesus’ great (many greats) grandpa? You’ve already read about Jacob’s dream, but check out Gen. 27:1-34 for another part of his story.
• If it doesn’t take perfection to be part of Jesus’ family tree, what does it take?
• Draw your family tree. Make sure to include Jesus in it!

Week 6: Belonging Means Beloved
Read Mark 1:9-11 and Luke 15:11-22
• Tell the stories of each of your baptisms.
• When and where do you hear God call you his beloved child?

Week 7: Belonging Means Faith
Read Hebrews 12:1-3 and Hebrews 11
• Whose faith makes us belong to God’s family: ours or Jesus Christ’s?
• Why does God commend some people for faith when they don’t look very faithful?
• Make a faith statement, beginning with “This is what I believe…” or draw a picture of God.

Week 8: Belonging Takes Prayer
Read Ephesians 6:10-20 and Luke 18:1-8
• Prayer is a cry for help. What do you want God to help you with?
• Why does Paul show us that it is prayer, not strength, which makes us powerful?
• Memorize the armor of God as a prayer and imagine pulling on each defensive piece every morning.

Beth Guikema-Bode, pastor at Fuller Avenue Church and mother of four great kids

Baptism and Belonging

2010-03-03T17:02:00.000-08:00

Kids crowd around the baptismal font, while a little boy runs down the aisle squealing, “Where is the water? I want to see the baby get wet!” Muffled laughter comes from the pews. He’s found his place in baptism—a sacrament that speaks of identity and community. “Wouldn’t it be amazing,” says the pastor, “if we all ran into church with that excitement?” Baby Christina wiggles as water drips down her forehead and the pastor prays:

Loving God, we thank you that in this sacrament you assure us that Christina is now adopted as your own child in Jesus Christ. We pray that by your Spirit you will enable her family and this whole congregation to nurture her in faith, enfold her in love, and be models for her of faithful Christian living. And may the grace expressed in the splashing, cleansing waters of baptism refresh all of us in love and faith today, through Jesus Christ our Lord, Amen.

Our kids have a way of helping us embrace what it means to belong to the family of God. They invite us to experience Jesus’ words—“Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me.” Belonging is more than a term of endearment, or a way to suggest that we like, or even love, each other. So what does it really look like when a child like Christina knows that she belongs to something bigger, wider, messier, louder, and holier than she could ever imagine?

The baptismal prayer for Christina offers a clue as it glorifies God the creator, who lovingly designs each child. Psalm 139 announces, “I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” The kids at home and the ones next to us in the pew should know that we value each of them as gifts from God—the squirmy ones, the noisy ones, the shy and the outgoing one, and both the complainers and optimists. Each is eager to be included and enfolded into the loving arms of parents, teachers, and fellow members of God’s family.

This prayer also reminds us that in belonging we find a way of believing. When we belong to God’s family, a covenant community nurtures our faith. We aren’t alone! The church promises to disciple our kids by word and deed, with prayer and encouragement, so that they’ll discover what it means to follow Christ and be members of his church.

Belonging begins at baptism, but it continues as the promises of baptism are embraced. The faith family is available in times of wondering and wandering, in tears and fears, through celebrations and separations, in worship and in ritual, in fellowship and friendship, in teaching, reaching, and sharing. We are called to value one another—embracing our differences of age, gender, ethnicity, personality, and experience. We walk together, learn together, live together, and love together as we experience the grace of Jesus Christ within community.

Rev. Kirsty DePree, Reformed Church in America (RCA) Coordinator for Discipleship

Widen the Circle

2010-03-03T17:00:00.000-08:00

The church is supposed to be one big family, but it doesn’t always feel that way. Sometimes we get so caught up in our own circles of family and friends that we forget to reach out to others.

So here’s a big family challenge for you: look for people in your church who might enjoy being “honorary” members of your family.

Consider:

• seniors whose families live out of town

• college students living away from home

• single moms or dads

• international students

• people with disabilities

• kids who come to church on their own

• widows and widowers

There are many ways to widen your family circle to include others. Invite people to share movie nights, holiday meals, and other special occasions. Sit with them in church. Learn the significant dates in their lives and remember them with a card. Call them now and then just to see how they are. Offer to help with jobs around their home.

By reaching out, your family will learn what it means to be part of God’s family!